Nostalgic resources
When I first started art school, I was taken on the biggest whirl wind of an adventure. Coming from a predominantly Christian background, I was determined as an 18 year old, to ‘see life through the lens of the Holy Spirit and witness how God and Jesus were so present in my life, despite all of my ‘very serious’ short comings’. Now, looking back, I have nothing against Christianity at all. It is not in my nature to cut off world views, because they are true for so many other people. It doesn’t mean it is not true if some people are not dedicating their life to it (like me).
Anyways, an event happened during my first year of art school that sparked my decision to re-think my dedication to Christianity. Before you know it, I was a hop, skip and boat ride away from ever being a dedicated Christian again… (because quite frankly that term still confuses me). It just goes to show how easily our minds can be changed and how much mindsets do not determine what is true or not.
*Over 2 years later I return to finish off this blog post*
Hi. Today is the 15th of March 2023. I started writing that first chunk in January of 2021.
The desire to write blogs, create content online and put myself out there on the internet is still something that I apparently am really desperate to do. There are so many things that I feel stop me from doing so. I don’t want to spend a long time explaining why, but I also want to acknowledge that this feeling of dread is a very real and true halter for myself and so many people. It somehow feels like there is this invisible wall around you and what you would like to achieve. All the fears, unknowns, uncertainties, and even the anti-climatic nature of taking steps towards your dream reality.
For so long I have felt like the world never really knew what I was about. Sure, some bits and pieces of my life are posted on Instagram, but seriously barely. I miss the good work. I miss the raw, deep and passionate ideas that cannot be expressed from a flattened, shallow and clouded social media account. Social media to me is like the idea of something, not really anything in particular at all. Real life, is real. But with the introduction to smart phones and the *bing*ing of notifications, emails and being able to add to our stories literally any time of the day we want, it seems like we are never switched off, absent or anonymous. We are never given the chance to be off of our phones. We are tethered to showing ourselves off every day. More to unpack there soon… (For warning, I am not against social media, in fact it has actually saved my life. However, as I do, I am weighing up multiple approaches from which to use it, as a means to draw out healthy boundaries).
I have so many things to say about so many things. I can’t believe I haven’t written in so long.
What is really our life and what is an idea of what we think our life is? How closely, how personally, how truly can we look at each other in the eye and see another person looking back?
How comfortable are you with being? How much are you willing to let me help you? How much have I truly hurt you?
What do you want to strive for? What do you believe in? How much are you willing to believe?
I think there is a fine line between preaching and teaching, so I’ll stop there.
There is this connection I have been drawing to spirituality and the Christian story1 and the process in which we relate to ourselves and creativity. It is all, a reflection of one another…2 The way that things just, are. Every bit of it is magic. Every bit of it is unintentional yet perfect in its exact placement – exact features. ‘It is what it is.’ A direct correspondence to wu-wei (the Eastern philosophy to not try). I believe that by acknowledging this oscillation, or rather, cyclical nature of how the world exists is what may allow you to live more fulfilled, stress free and a life of agency.3
Knowledge. It is knowledge. It is learning, and opening up yourself to the diversity within the world4 – to allow yourself to breath it all in as your own, while paradoxically breathing it all out, full well knowing you are not bound to it.5
Detachment. Detachment and nurturing as one. I love you, I am you, I am me, I am this emotion of the room, this instant. Here one day, gone the next.
The reason that I have been resistance to progressing myself in the ‘art world’ is because I don’t see something worth pursuing here, and whenever I see a lack of something, a hole in the picture, I step back. Instead of putting my ‘artistic’ message out into the world, I am going to do the opposite of what art school taught me. I am going to write. I am going to write and speak plainly and openly about what the hell is going on. (edit: i think i was too harsh in my criticism here. everything has a time and a place, and i adore art in galleries. i am still navigating this space, especially so because it is a part of me that my family do not get to experience and that makes me feel conflicted). I don’t want to be cryptic, metaphorical or illusive anymore. I want to be vulnerable, wrong, intense and try something new for the hell of it. I am going to use all of the resources that have shaped me into the jangled puzzle that I am today, to attempt to be a whole other version of what I think the world needs. I am going to create something new, from infinite amounts of compelling, enriching and helpful resources that I’ve been blessed to come into contact with. I am going to step into the scenius.6
For a long time I have realised that art making is something that is not easily accessible to the general public. Art has taken on this myth, still, of being a birth right only for the dramatically talented or reserved for a select few. What art is, what art is for and why creativity and play is such a necessity for every individual being is one of my biggest drives for why I am writing this today, and why I am speaking out loud. Let’s demystify art, demystify creativity and burn the walls down to the gatekeepers of play and accessibility within the arts. A big driver for why the art world has not sold me is because there is a direct lack to accessibility for creativity to the people I believe who need it the most; the mums, the dads, the parents, the friends, the people who are stifled by a consumeristic illness impeded on by capitalism. Play, drawing, making, cooking, dancing, learning, reading, collecting, singing, jumping, speaking, planting, laughing, cuddling, writing, expressing yourself in the endless possibilities of creativity is what it means to be a human looking after our human selves, and learning to do it together is the next and even more evolutionary pathway forward toward a collectivity of nurture, care and healing. A world we can be proud of. A world we can feel safe and comforted in looking after day in and day out. The first step is believing that this is possible. The first step is looking at the world, plainly.
Oil pastel and graphite drawing, exploring abstract expressionism, by Jazmine in early 2023
I believe that lessons and processes arrive into our lives in uncategorical ways. Every single element, shape, form and pattern has emerged into our lives and created a direct correlation to the person that we are today. That, is magic. That is the cosmic divine looking right back at us. There is a quote that sits within my heart that I think back to every so often. ‘Magick is always at work, it is just a matter of if you know that you are using it or not’.7 Things like this, like the phenomenon of magick, the ‘law of fucking attraction’, vibrational energies and uplifting affirmations, are all speaking to something so deadly, true and apparent that we are blinded to the very existence of it. I will speak more about this in another blog post – too much to get into now.
Show up every day as the person that you know that you are. And then we can stop wishing into the future – living in the utopian idea of who we think we are, ‘the idea of ourselves’, or something like that… I am still trying to figure it out. But even by saying that, I realise that I don’t want to figure anything out. I want to be here, in the thick of this icky sticky and slimy present moment. That’s how it feels to me. The present moment feels like it is singing at me, shouting out ‘hello!!!! hello out there!!! it’s me! a consciousness of the present moment! I am alive!’ And everything that we do is in relationship, in response to this. Everything is about a relationship to something else. Everything is about our response to our environment, our content, the energies that surround us. Everything is connected and we are so far away from being alone. Everything touches something else. The world is hugging itself, we are hugging the world. I am sort of rambling now, but you get it.
I know that some people out there might not know what I am saying, and that’s okay. Some people might enjoy it. Some people might not really care. All of this is okay. I recognise now, more than ever that what is the most okay is what I decide to do, because it is the only thing that I can do and therefore the most important thing that I will do.
Instagram as popular as it is, is still a platform where its very existence has been specifically designed by those attempting to keep us addicted to it. I have reached a point, therefore, to branch out for alternative modes in which to share.
Journal notes from February 2023. Small diagram around liminal spaces, the in-between, written during the talk on Spirituality in Art at The Little Machine curator talk by Micheal Newall
As promised, here is a selection of resources that have shaped my life from the last 4 years:
Note* I haven’t read all of these books in their entirety, but the general premise is gathered. I like moving from many sources to the next, and seeing how they inform an overall picture.
Prometheus Rising by Robert Anton Wilson: A sociology book that compares our brains to a computer, gathering external data from the world, and therefore painting a picture in your mind about what reality you would like to believe in. ‘Whatever the Thinker Thinks, the Prover Proves,’ which means whatever you decide to believe in, your mind will gather selective evidence from the world in order to reinforce your imposed belief system. Therefore, all truth is subjective. This book helped me learn about how my brain operates, its tendency to be susceptible and how to look at subjective truths from a distance. A book that guided me in my journey away from a fixed religion.
Neglected Practices: Attentiveness by The Minefield with Waleed Aly and Scott Stephens: This podcast series is great for those itching for theoretical and thoughtful commentary on ethical and moral dilemmas of the modern world. This episode in particular draws into conversation the importance of focusing your attention to the things in your life that do not change, within a world that is constantly changing. What is most central to our inner wellbeing is a sense of internal grounding, hence a pull towards that which is Eternal. A nod to the mystical.
Naval Ravikant with Joe Rogan: A podcast episode with tech investor and critical thinker, Naval Ravikant. A lot of what he says when it comes to science goes over my head, but I feel the fundamental aspects discussed such as entrepreneurial-ship, financial independence and learning to work more meaningfully is invaluable advice.
Inside by Bo Burnham: A comedy musical written by comedian Bo, inside his apartment during the 2020 lockdowns. The performance is a commentary on the social media age, pressures of performing as an artist with an audience, burn out and the saturation of the media. Being raised in the digital age is a consistent theme to my research as it has formed the crux to my generation (the 2000’s), raising us as dependent and immobile to those who attempt to conform us. This is the very situation I believe so many of us are attempting to reverse. Right now the most important question to me is learning how to turn ourselves from consumers to producers, from learning what we are able to give, as opposed to what we are able to take.
The Web of Meaning by Jeremy Lent: A non-fiction book written about the interconnectivity of the world on an animate and conceptual level, inspired by Eastern philosophy, and in rejection of the European dominating world view we live within today. The book explores fundamental questions such as ‘who we are’, our sense of self as a duality and also the sentience of all living creatures. This booked helped me see animals with equal amounts of feeling as humans.
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert: A non-fiction book that invites you to practice creativity within your daily life. A compelling auto-biographical story to anyone who wants to learn how to do more things for fun, especially when you feel like you can’t. She demystifies artistry and creativity well, inviting everyone to be a part of the artistic process.
Others
On Spirituality
Inner Engineering by Sadhguru
The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts
Damien Echols on The Duncan Trussell Family Hour Podcast
The Midnight Gospel (TV series)
These resources were useful for me in learning ways of looking after myself, in the midst of coming to terms with my own childhood trauma. They were stepping stones away from viewing the Christian God as the ‘hero’, instead learning to embrace a practice of spirituality, as opposed to a singular religion.
On Following your own path
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
The Purple Palace (YouTube Channel)
Style Like U (YouTube Channel)
Learning how to trust yourself – self worth, putting your needs first and believing in yourself.
On Wellbeing & Discipline
The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
Brene Brown with Russell Brand on Under the Skin Podcast
On Creativity
Steal Like An Artist & Show Your Work by Austin Kleon
The Art Assignment (YouTube Channel)
Novels
Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
Second Place by Rachel Cusk
Footnotes
1 Adam and Eve, Creation, The Beginning, Humans Are Creative because we were created by God. In this context, I view God not in the religious sense, but in the universal sense
2 Everything Everywhere All At Once (film by Daniels)
3 The power of your own agency and autonomy is a consistent and profound theme throughout my work
4 Poetics of Relation by Edouard Glissant (web summary)
5 Ram Dass on detachment
6 Brian Eno coined the term scenius to describe a collaborative way artists influence one another. This theory is in opposition to the long time belief of artists as a singular genius.
7 Damien Echols, a practicing magician.
